Tally Bowl of Scarcity: The Cycle Breaks, Remnants from Performance: Oil stick, Glass, Spoon, 2021-2022
Memory is held in the body, and gesture is a vehicle to access that. In this project, I use my body/press to create a record inside a bowl, which turns out to be both empty of content and full of memory and marks. An oil stick is the media used to create the memory/mark that my body processes through my physical press. The performance lasts a little over two minutes, and in a very ritualistic way, I make tallies, rotate the bowl, then I make more tallies, and again, I rotate the bowl. I repeat this process until the bowl is filled with marks/memories. At the end, I take a delicate tissue paper and cover the bowl to lay the piece to rest.
Memories associated with disordered eating and bulimia are attached to the empty bowl and fork; the bowl is both empty from food and full of memories from my experiences. Using my body to make repetitive, meditative, and ritualistic marks challenges the negative memories that have been stored in my body during the somatic experience. A space for mindfulness has been set up, and then I can work on rewiring and associating new, more pleasant memories with the mundane action of sitting in front of a bowl. I think it is important to note that throughout my practice, there is a ritualistic quality that often manifests in the form of a tally. Individuals with eating disorders, myself included, adopt rituals in their actions.
The broken bowl is the remnant from the performance and cycle ending. The bowl is broken. The cycle is broken.